remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
