At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
