I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
