We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
