A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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