we have pet lesbian snakes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
