Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
