He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
