in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
