your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
