I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
