two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
