morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
