New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
