It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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