if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
