I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize