do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
