Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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