dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
