is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
