I just threw up on my dentist
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
