He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
