dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
