i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
