when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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