I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
