we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize