His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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