how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
