could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We got so high we made milksteak
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
