We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
