He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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