did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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