also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
