Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
