i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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