If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The best revenge is premature balding
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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