At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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