We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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