the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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