I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
