Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
