You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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