garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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