when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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