great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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