I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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