just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
