She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
