fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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