and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
