So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
