At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
