when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
