he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize