Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she told me i tasted like america
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When did we convert life to cartoon?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
