After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize