We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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