Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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