please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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