You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
