Say something about gay babies.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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