I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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