I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
