We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
